Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
