found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
