I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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