The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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