She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
