I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
