did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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