im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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