Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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