we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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