Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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