They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
