We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
