I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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