im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
