I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
we're making bets on your personal life
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
