I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
