I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
