is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
