I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
