Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
