This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
