I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
