thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
