She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
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He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
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all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize