How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
