you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Randomize