No, you can still breathe under the balls.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
