my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I want to be your penis for a week.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
