Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
