Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
