1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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