i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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