Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
