allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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