Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
