Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
