I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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