You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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