I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
