What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
