dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
