life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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