i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
