I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I faked an abortion last night.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
