One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
