"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
