ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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