So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
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You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
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By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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