One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Randomize
