Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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