I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
