grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize
