You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
