When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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