I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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