At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
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