last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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