And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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