And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
