too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
