He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
