I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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