im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
