He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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