just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
ttyl tear gas
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
