I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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