i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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