omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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