I'm going to rape someone's good day.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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