the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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