so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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