a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
