its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
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i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
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Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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