ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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