when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
