yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
