im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
