His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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