Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
