wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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