I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
