apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
