sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
